Hello everyone:
Let’s talk about bugs. You may like them personally under some circumstances (which I cannot imagine) but you don’t want them in the kitchen, eating your food.
When I grew up in Florida, I went to an un-air-conditioned high school with direct access to the outside world. The school had problems with palmetto bugs and cockroaches. When we put our lunches in our lockers, the bugs frequently got our lunch before lunchtime. We got used to carrying our lunches with us all morning; I developed a taste for squashed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches by default because my sandwiches always looked like they were run through an old-fashioned ringer washer by lunchtime. Please note that we could also stop here and talk about the rats in the locker rooms, but I digress!
Sealed containers are great for storing cookies, pretzels, and cereal. They are not expensive and can be purchased at the grocery store. If your significant other never had them, please buy some and transfer your food into them. If your dearly beloved had them but the food has been in there for an extended period of time, dump the food and start over. You may be growing penicillin, otherwise.
Here’s a quick bit of information: if you like soft cookies, put a piece of bread in the Tupperware-type container when you add cookies and they will remain soft longer. The bread will become hard as a rock, so you will need to toss it out and replace it occasionally, but the cookies will be delightful.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Do you have a problem with mice in your house? I live in the country and find that they do periodically show up, unannounced, except for the mouse turds they leave wherever they are.
How do you get rid of them? I have my tried and true “catch them in a mousetrap and then run over them with your car” method that I have explained in an earlier blog posting.
A good friend of mine has a cat that periodically demonstrates its love by depositing half-dead mice at her feet. After she got somewhat used to this method of devotion, she said that her favorite means of removal was to pick the rodent up with a large pair of kitchen tongs and place the unfortunate animal in the toilet, for rapid flushing. She must have a really high-quality toilet, since there is no problem with the toilet accepting the mouse for disposal.
If you have a toilet that might not take such deposits, you might be better off using the tongs to toss the creature outside in order to rid your home of it. However, if the animal does not die, you could have a problem with a mad, injured mouse returning to torment your life via the courtesy of your cat, since the mouse would be considerably easier to catch in its current condition.
What do you do to rid yourself of these sometimes-cute but definitely not wanted pests? I would love to hear your stories and read your tales of mouse woe!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Perhaps you are a suddenly-divorced person or a unexpectedly-widowed individual. Maybe your spouse announced that he or she no longer wanted to live in the same state as you do or perchance your spouse got hit by a bus and never came back home. Whatever the case, you did not plan on this new road. Your possibly carefully-planned life ahead has now taken a massive shift and you are stuck not knowing what to do or where to turn.
While this sounds horribly morbid (and possibly is), you can make a new way for yourself. Let’s chat for a few minutes here. What is something you have always wanted to do but your spouse was never on board with it? What have you always wanted to learn or experience or visit? What are your wildest dreams that somehow always got pushed aside for other concerns?
Guess what? Financial concerns aside, perhaps this is the opportunity you have waited for your whole life. Perhaps you always dreamed of learning to ballroom dance but you spouse hated it…there is probably an Arthur Murray studio somewhere nearby. Go for it! You don’t need a partner (they will supply one) and this is your chance to pretend you’re on Dancing with the Stars. (Have you checked out Drew Scott dancing to The Rainbow Connection- that’s worth a visit to the website).
A very good friend of mine loves helping people whose lives have been changed by disasters. Her hubby wouldn’t have liked her to be gone at the drop of a hat, but she’s a widow now and so off she goes. She helps change the lives of others for the better at a time when they may be grieving or facing a some natural disaster. She’s right there to support and guide them.
Yes, your life is different now. Would you have chosen this new road? Probably not. But you’re here now, so go for it and live your dreams.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
When do you decide that Mom or Dad needs more help than you can give them? How do you know what’s best for their time of life?
These can be hard questions to answer. The gal in this picture looks happy and vital but she may have physical needs that go beyond her family’s ability to cope. I have a dear friend whose mother has been a happy, pleasant, kind person her whole life. She was a super wife and wonderful mother. But now she needs help.
I have some other friends who are making decisions about their father’s care. He has been there for them their entire lives. He has been a superb father and a loving husband. A recent fall has accelerated his need for assistance.
Another friend from church has an ailing wife. She has had cancer for several years and neither of them can attend church anymore because she can’t be left alone and can’t take the chance that someone at church will make her sick. With her cancer, a simple cold could kill her. What is her family to do?
We, as family members, are faced with a dilemma: how do we do the best for our loved one who is in need while not ignoring the responsibilities of our immediate family? Therein lies the problem. If we spend too much time away from our own family, that can cause relationship problems. If we don’t spend enough time with our loved one who needs us, that person could fail more quickly than he or she would otherwise.
I believe that the best way to handle this is through prayer and through understanding the needs of the people involved. If you finances will allow for a private duty nurse or CNA, that might be the best solution for your family. If there is a good adult daycare in your area, that might help others. Perhaps assisted living is the best route for now; there are some excellent homes out there where your loved one can have some degree of independence while he or she is in this “new normal” life.
It would be a blessing to hear how your family has handled the delicate situation you have faced. Do post your comments and thoughts, so that we can all reach out to help others at this difficult time.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Have you ever gotten stuck, really stuck in a rain storm and not known how to use your car’s windshield wipers? Maybe you’ve borrowed a friend or family member’s car. Perhaps you have rented a car to take you to that first big job interview.
And then it begins to rain. Folks, that’s not the time to search for the location of the wipers. It’s also not the best time to figure out how to turn them on (every car is different, or so it seems).
I was on a trip to Florida, which is known for torrential rainstorms, when suddenly it began to pour. I was about an hour and a half from my condo when the storm struck and it was as if someone was standing by the side of the road, pouring water on my car.
It was dark, which didn’t help matters one iota. The streetlights were few and far between which made things worse. And then I couldn’t figure out which way to flick the wiper switch. (It was not intuitively obvious!)
Here’s my personal recommendation: figure this out before you get on the road, especially if rain is forecast. Have you ever had this challenge? It’s not fun, trust me. Next time, perhaps I’ll talk about trying to open the gas door on an unfamiliar car, and wanting to refill your tank before you run out. Another issue: the location of the gas gauge isn’t always where you expect- you could be looking at the engine temperature light instead. (And you thought you were just getting great gas mileage!)
Have a great day and feel free to share your tales of woe.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today begins a new adventure: my start of research on planning ahead for those who have never married but want to share their stories on how they have planned ahead for a future where they may need care.
Let me tell you a story: A friend of mine shared with me last week that he met a man via craigslist who was selling everything he owned in order to move into an assisted living home. He had never married, had no children, and had watched as his family and friends died over a period of time. He now needed some help with the basic necessities of life and had no one to turn to. What was he to do?
My friend contacted him about an item he wanted to buy and, when my friend got to the man’s house, the fellow shared his story. My friend told me ” I just bought 4 lamps I don’t need, in an attempt to help this guy out. Please write a book that can offer advice to people who are heading towards situations like this one, so that they can avoid it.”
To do this, I need your help. If you know someone with a story to tell or advice to offer, please ask him or her to post a comment on my blog at www.suddenlysingletips.com I will not identify the contributor in the book, though I will thank him or her in my acknowledgements section. Thanks so much for passing this blog posting along to your friends. I am working on making my social media presence stronger, and appreciate all of your help!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hi Everyone:
Sometimes we get so bogged down in our troubles that we forget how to laugh. I wanted to share this wonderful and, yes, absolutely silly, recording that I heard today. I hope you enjoy it and pray that it lightens your load. https://stevelaube.com/fun-fridays-may-18-2018/#comment-162515
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I met someone recently who is facing some real challenges since her hubby died without warning. She had no idea of how he handled the finances, she didn’t drive, she didn’t own any assets in her own name, and she had some in-laws that were more like outlaws. They told her they would “take care” of her, if she signed her hubby’s life insurance over to them and signed her house over to his children from his first marriage.
Apparently, she did sign over the life insurance and they are paying her a monthly amount that meets her mortgage payments and not much else. Oh, and they have offered her a one-way ticket to the country from which she immigrated (after she signs over the house).
Folks, in-laws can become out-laws really quickly when money is involved. Please make sure that, if your spouse has already passed, you get some strong financial advice from a financial consultant (as opposed to the in-laws that want to take your money from you and get rid of you).
Please be as wise as a serpent and as harmless as a dove because being the latter can get you into real hot water.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I was talking to my financial consultant recently. Our topic of conversation was long term care. Here’s what I took away from our chat:
Do you have long-term care insurance? It is extremely expensive to get long-term care; yet you really can’t afford to be without it. Long-term care insurance (LTC), an insurance policy, helps provide for the cost of long-term care beyond a predetermined period. LTC covers care not generally covered by health insurance, Medicare, or Medicaid.
To get into one quality long-term skilled care facility in my area, you are expected to give a one-time “facility gift” of $50,000. The care then runs between $10,000 and $11,000 per month, depending on the level of need. That is a substantial chunk of change, so I hope you can see the need here.
Where would you get the money to pay this kind of bill? The pool of insurance for long-term care usually plans on the costs running about $125,000 per year. However, keep in mind that a joint plan provides this for you and your spouse; if one of you has used it up, there is nothing left for the other spouse to draw on. Folks usually last about four years in one of these facilities. If they stay home and get care, the lifespan is usually 15 years.
Do you qualify for long-term care? If you have pre-existing medical problems, the answer may be “nope.” You have to plan on using long-term care insurance or you could end up in a Medicaid facility.
The interesting thing about these places is that, if the treatment you need is not available locally, they can ship you off to the nearest place where it is available.
I heard a horror story lately where an elderly woman who was not insured needed specialized care. One day when her daughters came to visit her, the daughters found out that their mother had been shipped some other place three weeks before their visit that day (they really needed to visit their mother more often!).
It took a while before they could even learn where their mother was, since folks had forgotten by then and they had to look it up. As it happened, the mother was shipped from Maryland to Pennsylvania. The daughters, who apparently had not seen fit to visit their mom very often when she was local, now had to drive a distance to check on their mom. that’s not a scenario you want to experience, so be prepared!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
If you are familiar with the movie Diary of a Mad Black Woman, there was a scene where the betrayed wife Helen (Kimberly Elise) was taken by Medea (Tyler Perry in drag) to her former home and her old closet.
Medea encouraged Helen to tear up the clothing of Brenda, the other woman (Lisa Marcos). As they utterly destroyed the closet’s contents, clothes flew all over the place. This was a great source of relief to Helen and Medea as they took revenge on the adulterous husband Charles (Steve Harris) but it, along with the wholesale chain-sawed destruction of the living room, led to their being taken to jail. It is not a good way to get a closet organized, although it did relieve some tension.
My sister-in-law knew a gal whose hubby died unexpectedly. A relative of the lady came into her house and removed all of the dead man’s clothing; she thought she was helping out, but the lady had wanted to do it herself, as part of the grieving process.
She had planned on making a comfort pillow out of one of her hubby’s dress shirts, but that plan was nixed by her relative’s over-eager approach to cleaning out the closet. Make sure the person is ready; let things happen in their own time.
Best,
Dr. Sheri