Hello everyone:
As a newly-single person, how do you make decisions on your own? Maybe you had a warm and caring relationship with your spouse and you always discussed things and made joint decisions. Maybe you had a second-guessing spouse who always made you feel like your decisions were poor and your judgment was faulty (hey, you choose him or her, so why is that person second-guessing your decision-making ability? It doesn’t reflect well on your former spouse, now does it?).
Whatever the case, you are faced with a situation and must make a decision. Where do you turn? That depends on what type of judgment call you need to make.
If it is financial (and big!), turn to your financial consultant (if you have read my book’s first chapter, you know who I am talking about).
If it is spiritual, pray and read the Bible. If is is BIG and spiritual, ask someone in your church whose opinion you respect about this issue (after you pray and read the Bible).
If it is about child-rearing, pray, read the Bible, pray some more, and ask Focus on the Family.
If is is about what to have for dinner, just decide! (This is not rocket science!)
If it is about which movie to see, check the reviews given by World Magazine, and then flip a coin if you still don’t know which show to watch.
If it is about what color to paint your living room, ask someone whose decorating you admire.
If it is about what clothes to wear, check out my chapter on using a Personal Shopper (oh, wait a minute- that’s in my as-yet unpublished first book! Actually, it’s in my second book as well because a good idea is a good idea!).
Whatever your decision-making needs, it is important to make a decision and then stand by it. Adjust it as need be, but believe in your ability to see things through!
What decisions have you needed to make since you lost your spouse? How did you first manage this daunting task?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
When I was visiting my dad recently, we noticed that a storm was moving into the area as he and I returned from lunch . We tried to get him back to his condo before it hit. We felt a sense of snug happiness when we got him home before the first raindrops fell. I dropped him off, expecting him to get on the elevator to his floor, where he would walk down the exposed-to-the-elements hallway and enter his unit.
Well, the first part of that plan went just fine, but the second part, not so much. He got off of the elevator on the right floor and headed towards his doorway. Just as he opened the screen door, the wind whipped the door out of his hand, the door hit him in the shin, and this action left a 6 inch gaping hole in his leg as it knocked him to the ground. He laid there on the ground for 30 minutes in a now-torrential rainstorm, getting soaking wet and crying out for help.
I was on my way back to my condo and was completely obvious to the disaster that had befallen him. About 45 minutes after I dropped him off, he called and told me about his fall. A neighbor had finally heard and responded to his cries and had helped him into his unit. Once inside, Dad had changed his clothes. His leg was bleeding but at least he was safe.
I called my brother to meet me at Dad’s place; we both dropped everything and went to check on him. Long story short, we patched him up and took him to the doctor. Later that week, he developed an infection in the leg and is now on antibiotics.
Here’s the point of this story: elderly people need some type of emergency contact button to carry with them, and be careful when elderly people get a cut. Dad had a phone in his pocket but he couldn’t reach it because of the way that he landed. His leg appeared to have a minor wound but he wasn’t able to take proper care of it and it became infected in just a few days.
What ideas do you have to share on this topic?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hi Everyone:
It is my understanding that folks in Florida have a new craze- painting rocks and leaving them for others to find.
While this might not sound very exciting, a dear friend of mine told me about a friend of hers who recently had to go to the hospital because an elderly relative’s life support was being turned off. She was feeling very blue when she suddenly spotted a small rock next to the sidewalk. It was painted with a cute little smiley face.
Something as seemingly-silly as a painted rock somehow lifted her spirits. The gal was able to carry on and say “goodbye” to her family member. Usually, it is the custom to re-plant the rock you find so that someone else can find it someplace else. This gal was so affected by the rock that she said she doesn’t plan on giving it away.
Because she will keep the rock, my friend decided to have a rock-painting craft day at her house, painting (and planting) more rocks for others to find. She and her mother and granddaughter spent an afternoon painting, hoping that their efforts will help brighten someone’s day.
What ideas do you have for encouraging others? Let’s start a movement of encouragement to total strangers, like some of the folks in Florida have done!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I wanted to share a story I heard in church this past Sunday. It was told during a sermon on the love between David and Jonathan. I hope you will enjoy it.
Johnny and Arthur were brothers who were young men at the time of the Vietnam Conflict. They were in different branches of the service; Johnny was sent to Vietnam while Arthur was still in training. During the second World War, many families had lost numerous sons, so the United States government decided that, from that time on, two sons from the same family would not serve in a combat zone at the same time.
Johnny was in Vietnam, having almost completed his first tour of duty when he realized that Arthur was headed there as soon as he (Johnny) left the country. Well, Arthur was a very talented young man and Johnny hated the thought that his little brother would go through some of the terrible things that he had experienced while serving, so Johnny went to his commanding officer to request that he be allowed to serve a second tour, so that his kid brother would not have to go. Permission was granted.
The really good news of this story of brotherly love is that Johnny did make it home safely and Arthur was sent to Germany, where he served his country in a much safer place. Arthur later went on to great success in the world. You may have heard of him: Arthur Ashe. Because of his brother’s sacrifice, Arthur was not injured or killed in Vietnam, but went on to thrill the world of tennis with his great gifts.
What story of sacrificial love have you heard lately? I would love to hear from you!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
One way to keep your spirits up during a difficult time is to have something to look forward to. It doesn’t have to be anything as dramatic as a weeks-long trip; it can be as simple as a window shopping trip or a movie with a friend.
What kind of low-budget-high-fun-level activities can you think of? Maybe going to the latest movie with a close friend is your kind of excitement. Perhaps you prefer going to craft stores or going on nature walks or chatting with a friend over a cup of coffee. It doesn’t have to be expensive to know that, at some time in the near future, you are going to have something to do that takes you away from your business-as-usual life.
You don’t even have to be experiencing a difficult time to enjoy this type of thing. Maybe you are so busy working and taking care of others that you have neglected your own mental health. What would you like to do that gets you out of your present rut that would make your eyes light up?
Are you a practical joker or do you just enjoy talking about a what-if-I-were-into-that-type-of-thing? What kind of non-harmful prank would you pull if no one ever found out that you had done it? Sometimes it is fun just to talk about it.
Seriously, what kind of out-of-the-ordinary idea can you come up with?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I have a dear friend whose mother is in her 90s…..well into her 90s. We used to take her mother out to eat frequently, but my friend realized recently that going out a lot really tired her mother. While my friend would love to hang out with me, going out and about on a regular basis, she realized the toll it was playing on her mom. We simply could not keep going about with “business as usual.”
The sad thing is that we really enjoyed getting together……so, an alternative solution was put into place. Instead of our going to lunch or dinner, I go over to her house and visit with the two gals. Her mother is free to sleep or rest in her chair, and my friend and I get to have quality time with one another. It is not necessarily the activity we would chose, but it works and is a lot of fun.
We chat, watch the latest show from the BBC, or could do her most recent puzzle. Care givers have a real burden but there is a way to make their jobs easier, just by being there. How do you deal with the aging of a beloved family member? Do you have any suggestions for care givers, so that the quality of their own lives is enriched by your contribution? I would love to hear from you!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A unexpectedly unmarried friend of mine told me when she feels the loneliest. It is not when she is by herself at a sporting event for her son or even at a graduation when he moves on to his next level at school. Nope, her time of feeling the most alone (and somewhat jealous) is when she sees happily married elderly couples sitting at the mall, drinking coffee together.
The mall has a variety of folks, but the ones that make her feel the most isolated are those old folks who have been married since dirt was created and who still find joy in each other’s presence. She watches their shared smiles, their joyous laughter, their private jokes, and their obvious love and devotion and she feels alone in the world. She has a large circle of friends who adore her, a job that she excels in, and a loving family who cherishes her, but she is still one of the no-longer-marrieds.
What does one do in these circumstances? She tries not to look at them too much, without seeming rude. She glances at the folks who stop by to visit with them, the other “tragically unmarried,” to quote a Doc Martin character. How do you handle this isolation? I would love to hear your tips for avoiding those “all alone” and “totally isolated” feelings. Please do share your thoughts; perhaps we can help alleviate some of that accompanying pain by sharing ideas with one another.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
In today’s blog, I wanted to share some news about an upcoming project: Suddenly Single for Military Couples (I do not have a subtitle yet). This is the third book in my Suddenly Single series and I hope you can be a part of it.
I am looking for the family members of veterans, or veterans themselves, who would be willing to be interviewed. The idea here is to share with our readers the what-I-know-now-that-I-wish-I’d-known-then approach to either being deployed or coming back from deployment a changed person as the result of being harmed or killed. (Okay, that sounded a bit strange. Obviously, I don’t want to talk with dead people. What I meant is that I would like to talk with the family that the service person left behind.)
It is my goal to have a book that is by (as a result of the interviews I do) and for military people. I will not identify individual service members or their families in this book, to protect their privacy. If given permission to do so, I will list the families in my acknowledgment section. I am the daughter of a World War 2 Navy veteran, the ex-wife of a U.S. Air Force veteran, the mother of a 100% disabled Army veteran, and the sister-in-law of a Coast Guard veteran. My heart is with our service people; the royalties from this endeavor will go to benefit charities that support them. [Fisher House is the charity that I am leaning towards, since they provide free housing to military families whose parent/spouse is in the hospital.]
If you know someone who would be willing to chat with me, or if you are a veteran who would like to be a part of this book, please comment in the comment section of this blog. I will be in touch. Thanks ever so much!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Today’s blog is about how to eat healthy if you are alone. Sometimes it seems like too much effort to eat food that’s good for you, especially when the fast food companies are filling the airwaves with delicious-looking-but-horrible-for-you dinners each evening.
You are just sitting there, alone, watching Jeopardy! when the ads come on and show you the most delectable food imaginable. How do you combat that? Maybe you don’t know how to cook because your dearly beloved but now departed spouse always did the cooking. How do you avoid the minefields of high calorie, low nutritionally valued food?
Have you checked out the hospital cafeteria? My dad lives near his local hospital. They have an excellent cafeteria, where the food is nutritional and amazingly inexpensive. He eats there several times a week, getting well-balanced lunches and dinners that cost him less than $5. The folks have gotten to know Dad quite well, as they also know the other widowers who visit them on a daily basis.
One of the men, when I asked him why he doesn’t learn how to cook, told me “I couldn’t make these meals for what they cost me here and I enjoy meeting other widowers for lunch and dinner.” He used the time as an opportunity for fellowship as well as a means of feeding him food that is good for his body. I realize that not all hospitals have good food, but start there.
The next place to look for healthy food is your local upscale food store. Some of them offer frozen or fresh meals that are nutritionally well-balanced. Be aware that these stores are not for the financially faint of heart! They will cost you some cash but at least you didn’t have to make the meal yourself.
Finally, learn to cook. Take classes at your community college or local kitchenware retail store. Read books on balanced nutrition and use your cooking classes to teach you how to make the dishes you read about. [Note: You might also meet Mrs. or Mr. Right at these classes!] Another option, if you live in a metropolitan area, would be to find a company that prepares healthy food and delivers it to your door. I wish you well on your quest to locate food that is good for you and tastes good.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A friend of mine has an elderly mother living with her family. The woman is a dear but it gets very tiring to always have to be “on duty.” My pal did not want to put her mother in a nursing home, so she found a CNA (Certified Nursing Assistant) who was interested in working part time.
The gal comes to her house three mornings a week, giving my friend time to do errands, chores, or to relax without having to wonder where her mom is. The CNA takes her mother out for “field trips” to local places where she thinks the elderly woman would like to visit. They go on walks, to parks, and out for lunch. The elder woman comes home happy but exhausted. This helps her sleep better and, as a result, her daughter is able to rest better at night.
Is this an option for you? You might want to look into this since it can be beneficial for all involved and is cheaper than a nursing home! I would love to hear from you, so please use my name or the name of this posting in your comments so that I will know that you are not spam.
Best,
Dr. Sheri