Hello everyone:
The picture in today’s blog posting looks so calm and serene. There doesn’t seem to be a ripple, but there could be a lot going on under the surface that we never see.
Marriage can be like that, too. Maybe you had a marriage where everything looked great. Perhaps you were even one of those folks who had the perfect Facebook marriage. But there was stuff happening behind the scenes that no one ever saw, until now.
My friend, you are not alone, though it may seem that way. Please understand that you can have a calm, serene life again, even though it might not seem that way right now, in this instant.
If you need help managing your household as you make the transition from married to single again, you are in the right place. This website has advice I have gathered from experts in their field. If you have a question that I haven’t answered, ask in the comment area of any blog posting and I will check into it and get back to you.
This website is here for you, to help you answer the question, “What do I do now?”
Hugs,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
In the fall, we “fall back” and in the spring time, we “spring ahead.”
You will need to know how to change the clocks in your house, unless you are fond of being either habitually early or always late, depending on the time of year.
If you have challenges figuring out how to change the time on your current clocks, you might want to purchase some clocks that automatically adjust for Daylight Saving Time.
You also need to change the time in your car; look at your owner’s manual for tips on how to do that; it’s easy, do not fear. If all else fails, go to your place of worship and ask one of the tech-savvy teens to change it for you.
If you cannot adjust your watch, go to a jewelry store in the mall and ask the folks there to give you a hand. With your watch, if all else fails, buy another watch and keep one set for springing ahead and the other for falling back. Don’t forget where you put them and which one is which, or you won’t be on time any time.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Sometimes I run into women who were taken by surprise when their marriages ended. Maybe those marriages ended quietly, with the love draining from their relationships like the soapy water in your kitchen sink. They didn’t see the bottom of the sinkhole that their marriage had become, but suddenly it was gone. The sink was empty and so was their marriage. Other times, things went out violently, with screaming and bad feelings obvious on both sides of the equation.
What are you going to do? The first thing you might want to consider is your budget. You don’t want to overspend your income. Things will not end well for you, if you do. I know some gals who simply charge everything, expecting that some how, some way, they will catch up eventually. That road is the way to financial ruin.
You might not like what you find out. Your style of living will probably suffer, but you can get on the road to financial stability. I recommend Financial Peace University, if you have a group nearby.
So, sit down and figure out all of your living expenses. Mortgage or rent, electricity, insurance, student loans (if you have them), food, car expenses, internet service provider services, hair appointments, clothing, medical care, credit card bills, and child care costs. Add in anything you can possibly think of. Then add in a bit more for whatever you forgot.
What is your income? Subtract your expenses from your income and see how much money you have left (or how much you need).
Do not panic. Do not set this aside and hope for better things. Face it, no matter how difficult. Visit your pastor and ask for help, if you need it. Do not stick your head in the financial sand and pretend that this isn’t happening. It is and you can do something about it.
Take care,
Dr. Sheri
Hi everyone:
Life sometimes doesn’t turn out like we planned. Maybe you thought that you’d be with your one and only for the rest of your life. But then something happened.
Perhaps you saw it coming. Maybe not. The question is: What are you going to do with the rest of your life?
Perhaps you’d like to move to a new area, get a new job, or redo your old home. Whatever it is, I hope that your new life, your unexpected autumn, turns out really well for you.
As we look at autumn’s leaves, let’s remember how beautiful they can be. Yes, it can be challenging to keep them raked up, but aren’t they lovely? The reds and golden tones can be spectacular.
Whether you realize it or not, your personal autumn can be spectacular, as well. Look at the new opportunities that have come your way. It’s a fresh start. (No, don’t tell me you’re too old and worn out for a fresh start. Your mindset will determine how the future looks, so keep a positive outlook on things.)
I wish you well during this exciting, new time of life. Please visit my other blog postings to get practical tips for making this a great time of life. Oh, and be sure to keep your leaves raked up- they eat the daylights out of your grass, which you won’t enjoy finding dead come spring.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Perhaps you have spent most of your lifetime (so far) taking care of your family and home. For whatever reason, you are going back on the job market. You want to put your best foot forward on that all-important job interview, but how do you do it without getting the ‘deer in the headlights’ look?
Be prepared. Figure out what questions you think the interviewer might ask, based on the job you are applying for, and practice answering them. For example, the questions you might be asked if you are applying for a job as a baker are going to be different than if you are a medical professional.
But, and this is a big “but,” some of the questions can be anticipated. Here are some of the sample questions a friend of mine and I were discussing earlier today:
Tell me about yourself. [Can you do it in less than one minute? Practice telling someone about yourself until your delivery is smooth. Not too smoothly, as if you were reciting a memorized spiel, but have your words flow smoothly.]
How will our hiring you make our company better? [Watch out here- don’t tell them their business stinks or that it’s run by idiots. You may be talking to the individual who created it and he or she will not be amused if you tell them they’ve really messed up. Friend, they’ve managed without you for years (perhaps) so they won’t fold (probably) if you don’t come on board.]
Why do you want to work here? Make your comments from a sincere heart. Don’t be an Eddie Haskell. [For those of you too young to remember, he was an obnoxious character on Leave it to Beaver. You don’t want to be like him, trust me.]
Tell the truth. When reading a story about three accountants trying to get a job, the first two were asked “how much is two plus two?” They both answered “four.” The third candidate, who was successful in his job search, answered the boss “How much do you want it to be?” While he may have been hired, he compromised the person he was to get the job. Don’t do that.
I wish you well on your re-entry back into the world of business. Do you have any sample questions to share?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Since neither of the men I originally penned Suddenly Single for knows how to scramble an egg, let me share my recipe with you.
It starts with a non-stick pan heated on the stove. Put the pan on the stove and turn the heat on to medium.
Get a coffee mug, and take two eggs and crack them open by hitting them on the side with a sharp knife. Dump the contents of the eggs into the mug, checking to make sure you don’t have any eggshells in the cup (remove the shells with a spoon, if there are any eggshells in the mug).
Add a dash of milk to the mug (about a tablespoon, if you are measuring it) and stir the milk and eggs rapidly in circular motions, using a fork. (You are beating the egg here.)
When the pan is hot and the eggs are mixed up, dump them into the pan. Using a plastic spoon (one of the long cooking spoons, not a plastic spoon from a fast food restaurant), stir the eggs continuously as they cook.
The secret to great scrambled eggs is to constantly keep stirring the mixture as it cooks. When the eggs are firm, they are done.
Add salt and/or pepper to taste and eat them while they are hot. If you want toast with the eggs, make it in the toaster while your eggs are just beginning to cook. (I assume you don’t have 3 hands here, so put the toast in the toaster while the eggs are still cooking and it will be done at about the same time as the eggs.)
Enjoy!
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Your roof is probably something you never think about, unless it is leaking. Angie’s list says that, if your roof is more than 20 years old, you probably need to replace it. How old is your roof?
When did you move into the house? Did your hubby ever talk about replacing it? Look through any receipts he had for the house. You may find one that tells you when the roof was last replaced. Did he keep a calendar of home repairs? You might find the information there.
Next, look at the overall condition of the roof. Do you see any shingles that are curled or missing? Can you see daylight through your ceiling? You need to get the roof checked out. The problem here is in knowing who to call. In a perfect world, your husband would have left you a list of electricians, plumbers, carpenters, house painters, roof repairmen, and the like, but the world (as you may have noticed) is far from perfect.
Instead, find a trusted friend who knows something about home repair or a real estate agent who does foreclosure work and ask him or her for the name of someone to call. Do not ask your friend to do the work. Please understand that your friend may be very well-meaning, but an incompetent friend who takes on the job himself is almost worse than a poor contractor. You can fire a poor contractor but how do you fire a friend? My point exactly.
By the way, I have a single friend who likes to do home repair inexpensively, but this is not always a good idea. They say that “you get what you pay for” and this is certainly true in the world of home repair. The guy driving down the street that knocks on your door saying he has leftover stuff from another job and can fix your roof/driveway/anything else is not the place to find a good handyman.
My friend hired the least expensive guy around and it took him 6 months to make her bathroom ready for company (he gutted it) but there is still a problem with the leaky shower and it still isn’t fixed, 8 months later. He started re-doing her siding one year ago. The job is 1/3 done.
I hope this helps give you some guidance into the wonderful world of roofs. It is also a tactful reminder that winter is on its way and your roof needs to be in good condition before it arrives.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
When people get ready to sell their home of many years, they are emotionally attached to the property. As such, they over-value their home and see it as perfect (or, at least, eccentric or charming).
One look at all of those HGTV shows like Flip or Flop or Buying and Selling tells you that outdated looks, worn carpeting, and cabinets from the 90s are not on the top of most buyers’ wish lists.
If hiring a decorator is not in your budget, get some decorating magazines and see what the current trends are. Find out what buyers are looking for in your area by talking to some real estate agents or to the folks at the local home improvement center.
Do talk with a full time real estate agent to find out which improvements are bringing the highest return on the investment in your area. If you decide to talk with a professional contractor, talk to one who you pay for his or her advice, rather than the person who wants to make a lot of money from your job.
If you talk to a bricklayer, for example, he or she might tell you that a new fire pit in the backyard would be a great investment, but having a worn out kitchen replaced would actually bring more bang for your buck.
The thing to keep in mind is that you need to look at your home with objective eyes and working with a full time real estate agent who knows his or her stuff can really help.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Wow- I didn’t realize that there were formal divorce certificates available until I was going through unsplash photos today. I’ve heard of divorce parties, like perhaps you have. But a formal decree that says a couple is no more? It looks pretty stark.
Perhaps the whole process is stark, when you think about it. One party, or both, decides that the years they have put behind them are best left behind. A simple certificate will proclaim that they are no longer husband and wife. What the Lord has put together has indeed been torn asunder. A judge decides that they are candidates for marriage termination and that is it.
Yet, you can move on, my friends. Okay, things did not turn out like you thought they would. Would you really want to be married to someone who doesn’t want to be married to you? You might try waiting things out. Sometimes that might work out well. Indeed, I have known couples that patched things up and are very happy now. Many more, however, have not.
I hope that you will find many good ideas for moving on in my website. It was designed with you in mind. It answers the question, “what do I do now?” Maybe it’s something simple like how to fix a toilet that won’t stop running or how to navigate the grocery store (and live to tell about it!). (Gentlemen, grocery cart etiquette is vital. No, your cart does not belong in the middle of the aisle. Ladies, do not abandon your cart in the middle of the parking lot.)
You’ll read all about these topics and more. Welcome to my blog. Let me know if you have specific questions or concerns that you would like answered. If I don’t know something, I will check with the experts. Again, welcome to my website and to this new phase of the rest of your life.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A lovely widow lady who sat next to me on a flight recently told me that her husband, aged 56 when he died, had been ill with cancer for three years. He had always taken care of everything financial. Even when he was diagnosed with cancer, the couple still thought he would respond well to treatment and that he would recover.
She said that they really believed he would be fine and therefore that they never bothered to discuss financial matters, as if that would somehow jinx him and literally make him die. After two years of no improvement, the cancer moved on to his brain, leaving him unable to communicate.
He lingered for another year, but she had to start from scratch trying to figure out what bills to pay, even as he required more and more care as his condition deteriorated. Her advice: talk about these things while you still can. She never expected to be a widow in her mid-fifties, but it happened to her.
So, what’s next for her? She is planning that she will most likely remain single. In understand that, statistically, a woman over 50 who becomes single has a better chance of being struck by lightning than remarrying. That’s the good or bad news, depending on your point of view.
The really good news is that you are young enough to make a difference in how you spend your golden years. Get your financial house in order now, so that you are able to travel, like the gal I spoke of earlier. She was very sad when her hubby died but she’s gotten through it and you will, too.
Do you have a story to share with my readers? I would love to see what you have to say.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
P.S. I’m not a particular fan of cats but I thought this one looked pretty intelligent and wanted to share it with you.