Hello everyone:
My maiden aunt was blessed by many friends who liked to give her meals, but she didn’t eat much. She would have one meal out of a big dish and then put the rest of the food in the refrigerator where she would forget she had it (she was 93 ½ so this was forgivable). This applied to whole turkeys, casseroles, and pies.
The remains of the food she was given were in the refrigerator when we inherited the property three months after she had been put in the rehab center where she died. She was very well-liked by many considerate people who thought she had a much larger appetite than she did.
Bugs flew out of the refrigerator the first time we opened it, along with the most horrid stench you can imagine. [Decaying food had been there at least three months and was accompanied by bugs, mold, whatever….you do the math!]
Here’s more advice: if you have an elderly family member of friend who is hospitalized, offer to check on his or her house and check out the refrigerator. Immediately. Get everything out of it that has the potential of decaying or turning a peculiar color and dump it out.
Throw away all expired food. It does not get better with age; once it’s gone a few years past the sell-by date, you need to toss it or take the chance of getting food poisoning from it. [The record for expired food that I have found is eleven years past the expiration date. Please don’t try this at home!]
When the person is ready to come home from the hospital, replace what you threw away, if that’s possible. That way, you don’t have the guilt of starving the person to death and you will have done something very nice for someone who might have needed the food in his or her refrigerator.
You might also try offering to buy all new food at the store, since the fact that the food was in there for a very long time might mean the person tried it but didn’t like it. [Another side note: If the sliced bread has been in the house long enough to become one solid, petrified block, it is time to get rid of it, rather than risking a broken tooth on it.]
I hope you find these tips helpful!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Sometimes you may find yourself in the position of not having enough income to cover your mortgage. It is better to admit this sooner, rather than later.
A real estate friend of mine told me about a young couple that he knew for several years. They had purchased their first home through him, a lovely place that they really enjoyed and could easily afford.
One day, the husband lost his job. Although they had a considerable amount of equity in the house, instead of listing immediately and getting into a cheaper home, they waited until the house was being foreclosed.
After paying late fees, attorney fees, and bank charges, they found that their equity was almost totally gone. If they had gone ahead and sold their house before they got behind, they would have had a nice nest egg to carry them into their next home.
They should have been completely honest with their real estate agent. While they had called him when the hubby first became unemployed, they chose to “wait things out a bit” and by the time they called the agent back, their equity was depleted.
They should have understood that a legitimate agent is there to help them, not hurt them, and they should have been more forthcoming with their agent. The agent can only help you if he or she knows the full story of what is going on.
What stories have you heard about foreclosure woes? If you can share a story, please do not include names or locations.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I hope you had a nice day-after-my-grandmother’s-birthday. I realize that is kinda wordy, so we can call it what it was: Valentine’s Day.
Yesterday, and in the days leading up to yesterday, you couldn’t walk into a grocery store without being bombarded with beautiful flowers, aisles full of chocolate candy in heart-shaped boxes, and rows of red greeting cards. Some gas stations even got in on the deal, offering single red roses to those individuals unfortunate enough to have somehow forgotten the day. Radio stations urged listeners to buy Sherry’s Berries or something sexy in the lingerie department. All were offered gift-wrapped for free.
But what if you weren’t celebrating this formerly wonderful day, whatever the reason? Maybe your significant other passed away since last Valentine’s Day (800,000 people did). Perhaps your significant other passed on to greener fields (813,000 did, according to the U.S. Census Bureau).
Here are my suggestions for getting through whatever celebration you are no longer involved in: When entering a grocery store, keep your eyes focused on the fruit and vegetables that are just past all those lovely blossoms. Walk rapidly and do not stop, unless you are in danger of running over someone. Apply this advice to all departments of the store where celebratory items are displayed. You can do this, people. Stay out of the mall, if possible, where vendors have set up kiosks guaranteed to block your way.
A word of warning: Do not try to replicate the dinners you used to eat. I loved going to our local Italian restaurant in years past and always got Mom’s Lasagna. This year, I bought a frozen dinner and microwaved it. It was horrid! Stay out of restaurants or go very early. Otherwise, you will be surrounded by couples while you are a single.
One of my suddenly single friends told me she was celebrating the day by calling all of her single friends and telling them she loved them. Talk about getting the focus off yourself! What a great idea!
Do you have any suggestions for how to cope with the day? I would love to have you share!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Welcome to your new home! The first thing you will notice is that this is not your old home. Please note: This will be a shock. Make sure you have nightlights, at least at first, or you may zig instead of zagging on your way to the bathroom in the middle of the night. That could end taking you somewhere that you don’t want to be. Like down a staircase instead of into the bathroom – my grandmother broke a leg on that mistake.
I suggest unpacking a few decorative items as soon as possible, so that your new place seems more like the home you just left. Some pictures, a few knickknacks, and a floral arrangement or two can really make the place seem more homey, right from the start. When I moved recently, my friends were amazed at the speed with which I worked to make the house feel like I really lived there.
When you do this, the depression you might feel from the change in your life’s circumstances can be mitigated somewhat. You look around the room- there’s your son’s first birthday picture, or your daughter’s recital photo, or the picture your friend that overlooks the water. It seems like home, even when “home” has become a very fluid idea.
If the weather permits and the neighborhood is nice, go for a walk. Introduce yourself to the neighbors. Don’t wait for them to come to you. In this day and age, it might not happen. (I read somewhere that you should take cookies to the neighbors but that might be overkill in more ways than one, especially if your specialty is peanut butter cookies and they have a nut allergy!)
Remember how you wrapped your dishes in towels? Time to get them unpacked, so you can take a shower with a familiar towel. Getting your kitchen set up and your cooking utensils is a great way to hunker down in your new place, particularly if you are a cook.
(Confession time: I cooked for the first time last week when I made my famous chili. I had been in my new home almost a month, living on diet dinners, fruit, and cheese. It just didn’t make sense to cook for one, until I bought some new freezer containers and cooked up a batch of chili, one entree for that night and froze the rest in individual containers for later. I had enough left over for three more dinners. Success!)
So, welcome to your new digs. Enjoy your time there! I hope you will find joy in your new surroundings, even though some of the items you have with you are from a different life.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Okay, so you are getting ready to move into your new home. Congratulations on making it this far! You have made significant progress. What’s next?
Making sure you have electricity, water, trash removal, and Internet service at your new location is your next step. Folks, this is not for the faint of heart. It’s going to take some time and a whole lot of patience.
You will need to call and/or email the company in question. It will take longer than you expect because nothing will be straightforward, even though it should be. They will ask a boatload of questions, some of which seem to be completely unrelated to your need for service. (What is the name of the mortgage company of your mother’s first home, even if it was a rental. Okay, so it’s not that bad, but almost.)
Just as you think (mistakenly, as it happens) that you have finally arranged for the service you sought, they will ask you to hold on and then put on some annoying person who wants to up-sell whatever service you have arranged. The full-court press will be placed on you, so that you don’t just have Internet service, you have the quadruple, life-long, mortgage your firstborn son, super duper service that they highly recommend, instead of the low-life cheapskate service you just signed up for. (You don’t want your closest friends to think you can’t afford the better service, do you???)
When my electric company tried to up-sell their service, I hung up. It didn’t work. Someone called me back, certain that we had been disconnected by mistake. (Please note: If you hang up, the new person will try to sell you a much more expensive service. Your transaction was not complete until you hear the new person’s spiel, so stay local. It’s cheaper in the long run.)
Should you decide not to answer your phone when they call back, you will be subjected to emails. Endless emails. “Delete” has become my favorite companion on my email.
I hope you find this blog posting helpful as you complete you move. Please do chime in on your own experiences. There’s company in misery.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
You know the drill. Your world is going bad and, all of a sudden, it gets worse. A whole lot worse.
You had a reasonably normal life for the longest time but, suddenly, nothing is business as usual. The new normal is weird. Maybe you have had one disaster after another, and the poop is piling up pretty fast. What do you do?
Look at what you still have. Your health? A good job you love? Friends who love you? Friends, it may seem like you are Job from the Old Testament, but be encouraged. If you are depressed and it feels like your world is closing in on you, turn to your relationship with the Lord.
Look at the cheerful side of things. If you have a lovely home to live in, thank the Lord. If you are still healthy, thank Him for being gracious. If you have food to eat, thank God for taking care of you. If you have clothes to wear, thank Him for that, as well. If you have friends and family that love you, rejoice twice as much.
Don’t have a pity party. (Avoid those like the plague- they always serve refreshments at the pity parties I have attended in the past and that adds unneeded calories!)
I understand- you aren’t married any more. Your spouse died or decided he or she didn’t want you. The world is set up for couples and you are a single. It doesn’t seem like you fit in. Got it! In some ways, you don’t fit into the “square peg in a square hole” pigeonhole anymore. So find a new one.
This may be the first time in a long time where you could just up and go somewhere you want to go. So do it. Do you feel like taking a walk? There’s no one to say “no.” Feel like going to a movie or watching endless episodes of Flip or Flop? Do it, my friend! You have the whole world in front of you, so embrace it, don’t run!
What do you do when you’re feeling down? I would love to hear your ideas so that they can be shared with my readers.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I recently moved, my 24th time. Since I am presently renting a temporary home, I realized that completely unpacking would be a task that I would be repeating again in about 12 months. It is not a job I look forward to.
What to do? I made the decision to unpack what I needed to make my house a home. To me, that meant family pictures, dishes, decorative items that I love, and enough linens and things to get me through the months ahead.
Everything else, I am keeping in my storage area in an unused bedroom. That way, my things are nearby if I want them but out of the way if I don’t need them immediately. Remember how I write what is in a box on the side of it? That way, if I have a special need for something, I can locate it pretty easily by looking at my stored items in the extra bedroom. No, it isn’t very pretty, but I keep that door shut. (Don’t ask me to open that door. Someone could get hurt!)
How about you, temporary dwellers? Do you have a special tip to share with everyone? I would love to hear from you.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hi everyone:
What do you do when you feel like going out to eat but you are alone in a world meant for couples? You can either stay home or go it alone.
Perhaps you have been used to, for many years, going out a particular night of the week, just because. But now you are alone and wondering if you should step outside your door to eat out.
Go, my friend. Take a book, magazine, or newspaper and go. The food you enjoyed as a couple is still just as tasty. It’s fun to have a night off from cooking, even if your total commitment to cooking is heating up a diet dinner in the microwave.
If you are an older person, you can even comment to younger couples what a lovely family they have, how well-behaved their children are, or how much they remind you of your own children. (Nothing creepy here, folks; keep it nice and light and not weird.) This may open the door to a conversation or perhaps you just made their day better. No sarcasm, either.
You never know who you might meet and what conversation might ensue while you wait for your food. Go out! Have a lovely meal! And ask a friend to come with you, if you prefer not to go it alone.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I went to a meeting recently and it was announced that the class’s Valentine’s Day party was a “couples only” event. Boy, there’s nothing like that kind of pronouncement to guarantee sadness in the heart and mind of someone who is suddenly single!
The announcer then retracted her statement, saying, “Oh, we meant “adults only” not “couples only.” If you aren’t a couple, you are still welcome to come.” Yeah, lady, right on.
If you are an unexpectedly unmarried individual, would you go? Would you go alone? How would you handle this weird invitation to an evening spent looking at couples talk to one another? I was in this situation once many years ago when my spouse chose not to take me to a Christmas party put on by our church. I spent the evening watching couples who hadn’t seen one another all day chat all the way through dinner, while I sat there like a third thumb.
If you have a wonderful idea for navigating the waters of singleness at Valentine’s Day, please share it, whether from the standpoint of someone who is single-again or someone who knows folks that are. Thanks!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
It has now been two and a half weeks since I moved out of state. I had a moving company come, to help me with the heavy lifting and I have some tips to help you save money on your move.
First, do as much of your own packing as you can. The mover fellow said I saved about $1,000 by packing my own things. However, please note that anything you don’t pack, they may pack, unless you say otherwise. As a result of my not being as clear as I could have been, I am now the proud continuing owner of a broken clock radio and a couple of ugly tables that I didn’t want. Oops!
I didn’t pack all of my pictures; they did. My casual wave around a room led to them packing everything in it. Oops. Now I can’t tell which picture is which in Unpacking Land. I wanted to keep some of them safely wrapped until I move out of this rental and into a house I purchase about a year from now.
They will mark the room on the wrapping but they don’t always call your rooms by the same name that you do and, if you carried a picture into another room, that’s the name the picture’s wrapping will get. It’s confusing. [It’s also not rocket science, but I digress.]
Next, thoughtfully consider how badly you want the stuff in your filing cabinets. My five filing cabinets would have added $1,000 to the cost of the move. I don’t need outdated student records that badly. What can you get rid of? The mover man said he estimated each filing cabinet weighed in at about 500 pounds. Five of them=$1,000 in added costs. Time to get the shredder out, in my book.
Finally, how much do you love your possessions? It might be cheaper to sell or give away your things and buy new items with the money you save. It cost me about $6,000 to move. Was my stuff worth that much money? As a matter of fact, yes it was, but only because I had some Amish furniture that I loved and paid quite a bit of money for. Otherwise, the cost of a new bedroom set would have easily been justified, rather than moving the old, decrepit one. Food for thought.
What tips do you have to share? This was only my 24th move and I’m always looking for tips to pass along.
Best,
Dr. Sheri