: Divorcees

Having your own bank account

Hello everyone:

For my divorced readers, it is my earnest hope that your spouse did not control the finances of your family exclusively. You should have had your own savings and checking accounts so that you had some control over your own expenses.

Not having access to your own money is a recipe for disaster, if you have become suddenly single. When a very close friend of mine became unexpectedly unmarried, her estranged spouse allegedly cleaned out three bank accounts that they had jointly, leaving her with a grand total of $6 for the next two weeks before pay day.

By removing a check from the middle of the checkbook, she did not notice that one was missing when she picked up the checkbook to pay bills. She received a call from a friend at her bank the next afternoon; the banker told her that her estranged husband entered the bank, asked how much he had to leave in the accounts so that his withdrawing money would not trigger a special statement ($2 in each account), and took out the rest of the money.

Fortunately, she had thought ahead and had opened a personal checking account and deposited her paycheck for that week in the account, so things were not as disastrous as they could have been. She still had to cover the checks she had written before becoming aware of the situation and she thereby avoided bank charges that would have otherwise been incurred. I hope that you were not in this same situation; I hope that you had your own money, no matter how little the amount.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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Garage doors should not be opened when locked or they break

Hello everyone:

Garage doors are an awesome thing, especially if you have an electric garage door opener. Pulling them up and down under your own power can be a wet activity if it is raining and a snowy activity if it is snowing, so it’s just plain nice to have an electric one do the job for you.

If you lose the power to your house, you will find it difficult to get your car out of the garage, so you will have to pull the emergency cord that hangs down from the opener in order to release the lock it has on the door. If you pull this rope, it will disengage from the opener. This will allow you to manually open the door and get your car out. Once you are outside, pull the garage door down by hand and turn the handle so that the door locks.

Your garage door opener will not work when you come back home after the power is on. You will have to go into the house, come through the garage, get on a ladder, and reattach the opener.  Release the door lock on the door so that your garage door opener can function properly.

[Note: If you do not do this correctly, you could really mess up the garage door, which would collapse under the strain of being opened when it is locked. You do not want that to happen, so make sure that everything is hooked back up correctly and that the door is unlocked.]

If you have done it right, you will then be able to push the garage door opener button and pull your car back inside. If you have not done it properly, you will destroy your garage door.

What tales of woe can you share about your garage door?

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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When do you buy more?

Hello everyone:

How do you know When Do You Need to Buy More?

When the bottle of ketchup or the container of strawberries gets low, you probably know it. Would you rather run completely out of something, need it desperately, and then have to make an emergency run to the store to buy it?

Nope, I didn’t think so. When you see that the bottle that you have is less than half full, start looking for specials for that product. If something is on sale, don’t buy ten bottles if you live alone, but do stock up.

[Note: Things rot and products have expiration dates. Be sure to check the dates on the side of the container. If you think you won’t use it up by then, only buy one, not fifteen. Even if it is a really good deal, if you aren’t going to use it before it expires, then it really is not wise to buy too many of whatever it is.]

One exception to the above rule deals with paper towels. You can never, in my opinion, have enough of them….well, actually, you could have too many, if you can’t move in your kitchen because of the pile of unused rolls. Don’t ask……okay, I will confess. When I was a single mom, I used to buy paper towels every time I went to the store because I was always using them to wipe up spills. Apparently, my son and I weren’t as messy as I expected because, when I went to move, I found that paper towels and bottles of ketchup dominated the space in my boxes. These days, I buy them about once a month. That works much better and  doesn’t take up as much space.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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Having a marketable skill

Hello everyone:

Women should  keep in mind the need to have a marketable skill, even if their plan is to get married and live happily ever after with their husband supporting them.

My sister-in-law had a ministry to recent widows and she tells the story of many older women who, after they get over the shock of losing their husband, suddenly realize that he had little or no life insurance and that they do not have any income.

One of the women she ministered to was so unfamiliar with the ways of the business world that she started to work for someone, only to learn later that the person was paying her poverty-level wages. She was unable to maintain even a small house on her income and had to turn to her church for help.

She is in better financial shape these days, yet she has no money for anything except the bare necessities of life. If she had not been involved with a widows’ group, who knows where she would be today, since no one would have been aware of her extreme situation.

Have you known a widow or divorcee in a situation similar to the one I have just told you about? It would be great if you could share it with us (no names, please).

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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Controlling Rodents

Hello everyone:

 

You know those weird sounds that you have been hearing, the ones that sound like scratching? Do you sometimes find strange brown turds on your countertops?  Have you ever found Christmas ornament boxes full of destroyed, formerly stringed ornaments? Have you ever reached into a cardboard box that you had in the shed and saw something move out of the corner of your eye? My dear, you have mice (or, at the very least, mouse).

Keep in mind that these critters are very fertile and letting one live with you can lead to your having a whole colony of mice. You need to get rid of them ASAP. There are various ways of doing this; we have effectively used baited traps in our garage and basement. The upside is that the traps can be baited with peanut butter; the bad news is that you have to get rid of the mouse after you catch it and it may still be alive, just stuck.

When a mouse threatened the sanity of my time working in our garage a few years back, we put out a snare, only to find that the mouse survived the entrapment. When the little critter showed up for the peanut butter feast, my hubby was out of town, so I managed to get the mouse and trap into the middle of the garage, covered it with a layer of cardboard (to protect my tires), and drove back and forth over the covered mouse until there were no more signs of life underneath. I then swept the entire contraption outside and moved the car back into the now-mouse-free space. The deceased rodent thoughtfully remained under the cardboard until my husband returned home, though it might have looked a bit odd to the neighbors.

A good friend of mine has a cat that periodically demonstrates its love by depositing half-dead mice at her feet. After she got somewhat used to this method of devotion, she said that her favorite means of removal was to pick the rodent up with a large pair of kitchen tongs and place the unfortunate animal in the toilet, for rapid flushing. She must have a really high-quality toilet, since there is no problem with the toilet accepting the mouse for disposal.

If you have a toilet that might not take such deposits, you might be better off using the tongs to toss the creature outside in order to rid your home of it. However, if the animal does not die, you could have a problem with a mad, injured mouse returning to torment your life via the courtesy of your cat, since the mouse would be considerably easier to catch in its current condition.

Do you have a rodent-catching scheme that works for you? Please do share it with us!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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The grass is not always greener

Hello everyone:

One of my students told me this story. It deals with someone always looking for more but learning that the grass is not always greener in another pasture. He learned this when his third wife put him out to pasture.

My student knew a man, who we will call “the Colonial,” as a patient at a home for veterans. My student realized that the man never had any visitors, in spite of having been a man of considerable influence during the span of his military career.

The Colonel shared his story in small parts, over a period of time. He had been married three times, ditching each of his first two wives after they hit the ripe old age of 40, saying “they just kind of lose something around that age, you know?”

He had children with his first two wives, and now has a boatload of grandchildren, who he no longer sees. His third wife (who is now in her mid-40s) was “the best darn divorce lawyer in town.” She now lives comfortably in the house the Colonial paid for, using money from his investments to support her lifestyle. She does not come to see him, preferring the company of younger men to that of her bitter, chronically ill, late-80’s husband.

His kids and grandchildren hate him; his current wife ignores him. He did not make very good plans for his own future, placing great importance on having a trophy wife, but not understanding what would happen to him if he became institutionalized. He seemed to always think that he would find happiness with his next wife, especially if she was young and beautiful. His life would have taken a different turn if he had stayed with the “wife of his youth” and not kept looking…..and looking.

Do you have any similar stories to share?

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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When do you need to buy more?

Hello everyone:

One thing that faces newly-single people is figuring out when to shop for supplies. This is especially true with widowers whose wives always made the grocery run. Here are some tips for making that trip a bit more productive.

When the bottle of catsup or the container of strawberries gets low, you probably know it. Would you rather run completely out of something, need it desperately, and then have to make an emergency run to the store to buy it? Nope, I didn’t think so.

When you see that the bottle that you have is less than half full, start looking for specials for that product. If something is on sale, don’t buy ten bottles if you live alone, but do stock up.

Note: Things rot and products have expiration dates. Be sure to check the dates on the side of the container. If you think you won’t use it up by then, only buy one, not fifteen. Even if it is a really good deal, if you aren’t going to use it before it expires, then it really is not wise to buy too many of whatever it is.

Today’s blog is end-of-the-semester short but I hope you found it helpful. What ideas do you have that you’d like to share on going to restock your pantry?

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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Developing a Sense of Direction

Hello everyone:

Some widows have a problem in that their husbands drove everywhere so they did not know how to get anywhere. Ladies, if that applies to you, you absolutely must develop a sense of direction. Google maps, while not infallible, are a good start in getting directions so sit down at your computer, pull up the website google maps, and input a couple of addresses so you can learn how to get from Point A to Point B.

Take a trusted friend who has a good sense of direction with you and practice driving! If you don’t want to be stuck in the house all the time, you must get started and there is no time like right now (unless it’s the middle of the night, and then your friend might look at you a bit askance if you suggest a driving lesson). Unless you have a medical condition that prevents you from driving, do not rely on the kindness of your friends and family to drive you around forever. Show some independence and backbone!

Sometimes when you are driving somewhere in an area that you are unfamiliar with, you might find yourself forced to take a different road. I was driving home from work recently; I live some distance from where I am employed and do not know that area very well. As I was headed north on Route 4, the traffic became very backed up, to the point where we were completely stopped on the road which normally has a speed limit of 55.

There was a very bad accident that closed the road, so the police were directing traffic to turn around and head south. That road was the only way I knew to get home and there was no one available to tell me where to go or how to get there. I had a new cellphone and did not know how to use it to find a map of the area. There were no maps in my car, since I had recently traded in my old car and had not returned the maps to my glove compartment. I do not have a GPS with my new vehicle.

What could be done? It was then that I noticed the truck in front of me, which had also been traveling north, had bumper stickers that were from the nearby high school. The man was local, even though I wasn’t. It seemed reasonable to think that a local person would know more than one route to get where he wanted to go, so I followed him. All the time, I kept an eye on the compass on my rear view mirror to make certain we were going in the right direction. I also kept a mental picture of where I was in relationship to the road I had been on. Sure enough, in a few minutes, my unknown local friend had led me successfully back to the road I had been on, albeit past the accident.

I hope this helps get you “on the road again!” What tales of woe do you have to share on this topic? I would love to hear from you!

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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How to chalk

Hello everyone:

When I was a single-again, I needed to have my bathtub chalked. The old stuff was old enough to be peeling and my 2-year-old son loved to splash bathwater. I didn’t want to baptize the kitchen of my condo, which was directly below my bathroom, so it became necessary to chalk. Sadly, I hired a teen-aged boy to do it and he really messed it up.  By the time he was finished, the chalk looked like whipped cream on my bathtub joints. Either learn how to do it yourself or hire a professional.

You might ask: what is caulk for? Well, it serves a couple of purposes, one of which is to seal up your house so that unwanted critters can’t get in. Bugs and the like can get into your house using the smallest of openings. It also serves to keep water where it should be- in the bathtub and not on the ceiling of the floor beneath the bathroom.

By sealing things up, you can prevent critters from entering and increasing in number inside your residence. It also covers up a multitude of poor joints, hiding the fact that those two pieces of wood along the baseboards did not align exactly as they should have. Caulk makes a nicer-looking finish, as well as helping water stay in the bathroom where it belongs.

Do not try to cut corners with the type of caulk you buy. Get the DAP, 50-year warranty product. If you get the 5 or 10-year guaranteed caulk, you will need to eventually re-do what you spent hours doing. Pay for the 50-year caulk and you won’t find it cracking and peeling off a few years from now. Follow the instructions on the tube carefully; understand that this is a wet job and it needs to be done carefully.

If you have any chalking stories to share, I would love to hear them.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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Bugs and other things you don’t want as visitors

Hello everyone:

A cautionary word is in order for my friends who are Suddenly Single: do not scream when you see a bug. Either no one will come (if you live alone in a house) or many people will come (if you live in a condo or apartment). They are called “the police.” The first case will do absolutely no good whatsoever; the second case will require a lot of explanation. The desired end result is to get rid of the bug or bugs, so please focus on that.

Grab a can of bug spray that is appropriate for the kind of bug you see or just grab a tissue and squish the blasted insect and flush its decimated body down the toilet. Either approach is generally acceptable, depending on the proximity of the can or the tissue and the speed of the varmint. [Note: Hair spray does not work in this type of situation.   However, the bug’s hair will stay in place after you douse it. Just kidding here!]

Some folks actually like bugs (just not in their house) and will transport the creature outside to release it. My opinion is that, if you liberate it outdoors, it will return to you sooner or later. It may also bring friends. My preferred method, therefore, is total annihilation, resulting from the tried and true squash and flush approach.

Try to find the source of the bugs. You may have to follow a bug to the source before destroying it (this works the best with ants; they seem only too happy to take you back home). Make sure your house is clean. Bugs like dirtiness; this should be a motivation for cleanliness.

Put all foodstuffs into Tupperware-type containers; this will not only keep your food fresher but it will discourage insects from eating the food before you do.  Food that should be taken out of the original container and put into plastic ware include cereal, powdered food (put your pancake mix in the plastic box but tear off the cooking instructions and place them on or in the box so you know how to make the food when the time comes), crackers, and pretzels.

Also note that bugs like cardboard boxes, so anything you have stored in them could become a repository for insects. Get rid of the boxes and (if you can’t bear to be without the contents) replace them with plastic storage bins. (I recommend getting the see-through bins, because you can tell what is inside without opening them up.

I hope this helps with those un-wanted visitors. Do you have any special tips to share on how you get rid of these pests?

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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