Hello everyone:
One of my dearest friends has a craft room that she just cleaned out and de-cluttered. In the past, the room was so full of stuff that it was hard to walk in the door. After several days of work, she now has a craft room that is gorgeous.
As it turns out, many of the beautiful things adorning the room have always been there, but the room was so cluttered that I went in there many times and never saw most of the pretty things. She had some very crafty items that were worthy of view, but I didn’t know that the room was a gorgeous peach color, that she had so many fabulous floral photos, and that she had created multiple biblical sayings on numerous plaques that adorned the walls. Now I do, and so does everyone else.
Life is like that. Sometimes it can become so filled with clutter that we miss out on what we have. Maybe we get so busy at work that we miss a sunset with our kids. Perhaps we are so involved with worthy causes that we miss having a cup of coffee with a friend in need. Perchance we are so focused on doing, doing, doing, that we miss the chance to do a jigsaw puzzle with an elderly relative.
It’s hard to slow down a bit. But sometimes we can get rid of the clutter of busyness so that we can enjoy what is truly there. What have you done to de-clutter your life or home recently?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Sometimes caregivers can get pretty discouraged by the sameness of their lives. They know that each day will bring……well, they really don’t know what the day will bring. They have difficulty planning for anything because everything is up for grabs.
Will Mom or Dad or Spouse need special care today? Will you be rushing to the ER for the fifth time this month? Will the person you are caring for require special care today? Will the person even know who you are this morning?
If you know someone who is a caregiver, it would be great to give that person something to look forward to. Maybe you could suggest a lunch or dinner out at a special restaurant, a walk in the park, or a shopping expedition to his or her favorite store. Maybe you can encourage that individual with a note or card or a meal.
I have a friend whose hubby died this past week. She has been caring for him for over 50 years. She now faces the need to re-invent who she is because she has always been his caregiver. I suggest writing this individual a kind card, to let her know that you noticed her sacrifices and to tell her how special she is to you. Now that her life has changed, maybe you could spend some time with her, after the funeral is over and done.
How do you encourage the caregivers in your sphere of influence? I would love to hear your thoughts and suggestions.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Recently, I had the opportunity to visit the United Kingdom. It was awesome but there are some issues that I would have loved to know about before I went. Here they are for your perusal:
Just because you have an electrical adapter, it does not mean that it will work with your appliances. I whipped out my American to UK adapter, only to fry my electric rollers and hair dryer. I was too frightened to use the adapter after that, so we bought two more adapters in England, one for my cellphone and one for my Apple laptop. I also bought some electric rollers in country. I threw my original curlers out once we got back because they were fried enough to not work anymore.
Your hotel may not have any air conditioning, depending on where you go. It was 90 degrees and humid in North Cornwall, which made for some uncomfortable nights. The management loaned us two fans but it was still rather warm for two Americans who are used to turning on the air conditioning at the drop of a hat or at a temperature rising above 70 degrees. Plan the time of year that you travel accordingly.
Hotels usually have hair dryers so you can leave yours at home, but they do not usually have Bibles so take yours if you want to do a Bible study while in country. Where are the Gideons when you need them?
The back roads in England are very narrow. Big cars do not do so well with very narrow roads, but the English are very considerate drivers. One of you will have to stop and wait if you are on a narrow lane and someone else is coming. Take turns. Trucks automatically win. If the pavement says “slow,” it really means “good luck with this one!” The word is usually painted on a road that is really only one lane but is pretending to be two.
The walls of the road (yes, they actually have 10 or 12 foot high walls on country roads) are vine-covered but they are hiding the fact that there is brick or stones underneath those vines. Don’t hit them.
If you get lost or are unsure of directions, the English are very happy to help, so ask them for assistance. Keep in mind that you may not understand what they are saying the first time around. Smile and be polite and ask them to repeat what they said.
Your car may not have a GPS, so you may wish to use your phone’s system to get where you are going because it will use your dialect.
The English love roundabouts. They use them a lot. The Twilight Zone of roundabouts was on our journey; it had five exits, each of which had its own five exit roundabout. We turned around and went somewhere else, in order to avoid it. If you see a sign that says “give way,” it means “yield.”
Some machines, like coin-operated washing machines, will only take new pound coins. The old pounds have a slightly different shape, so know which one you will need before converting all of your money to pounds in order to wash your clothes. Sometimes machines within a launderette (as they are called) will vary as to which coins they will accept, so ask the proprietor or read the signs above the machines.
Pounds are pretty easy to figure out, but the other coins might not be. I just gave up and treated a pound like a dollar (which it wasn’t) in order to have some sense of what I was paying for things. If you buy things in the airport, you can get a discount if you say you are flying outside the European Union. You may have to show your boarding pass to prove where you are going.
I hope you find my suggestions helpful. What tricks of traveling abroad have you used?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I noticed that a recent blog title (The Danger in Falling for an Elderly Person) was confusing, to say the least. What I meant to say is that elderly people have a lot of dangers, if they fall. What actually seemed indicated by my title was that you should not fall for someone who is elderly. Oops! My mistake!
So, let’s talk for a moment about falling in love with an elderly person. What do you have in store?
What you will have is companionship, not a bad thing. What you might not have is sex, which is not necessarily a bad thing, depending on your point of view…..
What you will have is someone to talk to. What you might get is someone who never shuts up.
What you will have is someone to be there for you if you do fall. What you might get is someone who can’t pick you up (but who can call 911).
What you might have is someone you need to nurse. What you might get is someone you want to take care of, or not.
What you will have is someone who is available to check on you every day. What you might get is someone who doesn’t want to.
What you will have is a meal companion. What you might get is someone who complains about your cooking (“it’s not what my Annie used to make….”).
What you will have is someone to snuggle with at night. What you might get is someone who steals your share of the sheet.
So, I guess what I’m saying here is: marriage has its good sides and bad, and it really doesn’t matter how old you are. If you find someone you want to spend the rest of your life with (and not just a “place holder till the right one comes along”), go for it!
What ideas can you add to the ones I’ve suggested?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
A friend of mine is going through some rough times. Her hubby is apparently cheating; he mistreats her at every turn. He now openly flirts with everything in a skirt, if the gal is young enough to be his daughter. When should she throw in the towel?
She is a Christian and does not believe in divorce. She took the vow to “love and cherish him” and to “hold him only to herself for as long as they both shall live.” She promised “for better, for worse,” not knowing that it would become mostly “worse.” When should she give up?
Marriage is a lifelong commitment, at least to her way of thinking. But what if only one person in the couple is committed these days? At what point in time should she let him go? When does she admit that “enough is enough?” I would value your comments on these questions of great importance, so that I can pass them along to her.
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
Have you ever been to a destination wedding? I went to one recently and discovered something interesting: the destination is a place that the bride and groom want to go to, but the guests, not so much.
We were in the wilds of New England, where the bride and her family loved to go when she was growing up. The groom was not so enamored of the place, but he was enamored of the bride, so he went. Folks, my idea of roughing it is the Hilton Garden Inn, not some backwater place with no television, no radio, no phones (cellphone availability was not available and texting only went through every once in a while), and no air conditioning on a humid 95+degree weekend in summer.
Lest you say that I should have forgotten the Internet while I was there, I was under contract to be available to my employers and did not have a choice about doing some work that weekend. I also call my elderly father four times a week and could not get through to him because of the lack of phone service.
Here’s an idea: how about if you share your nuptial vows where is does not take me an entire day and hundreds of dollars to fly into the place and another day to return home? Taking three days out of my life to watch you get married in a half an hour is just a bit much to ask, in my book.
I will confess that, if I had been emotionally close to the bride and groom, I would have been willing to shell out the time and money for what was actually a five-day celebration of their wedding. (I only went to three of the five days.)
What do you think of this topic? Do you find destination weddings as frustrating as I did this past weekend? I would love to hear your tales of woe!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
As a newly-single person, how do you make decisions on your own? Maybe you had a warm and caring relationship with your spouse and you always discussed things and made joint decisions. Maybe you had a second-guessing spouse who always made you feel like your decisions were poor and your judgment was faulty (hey, you choose him or her, so why is that person second-guessing your decision-making ability? It doesn’t reflect well on your former spouse, now does it?).
Whatever the case, you are faced with a situation and must make a decision. Where do you turn? That depends on what type of judgment call you need to make.
If it is financial (and big!), turn to your financial consultant (if you have read my book’s first chapter, you know who I am talking about).
If it is spiritual, pray and read the Bible. If is is BIG and spiritual, ask someone in your church whose opinion you respect about this issue (after you pray and read the Bible).
If it is about child-rearing, pray, read the Bible, pray some more, and ask Focus on the Family.
If is is about what to have for dinner, just decide! (This is not rocket science!)
If it is about which movie to see, check the reviews given by World Magazine, and then flip a coin if you still don’t know which show to watch.
If it is about what color to paint your living room, ask someone whose decorating you admire.
If it is about what clothes to wear, check out my chapter on using a Personal Shopper (oh, wait a minute- that’s in my as-yet unpublished first book! Actually, it’s in my second book as well because a good idea is a good idea!).
Whatever your decision-making needs, it is important to make a decision and then stand by it. Adjust it as need be, but believe in your ability to see things through!
What decisions have you needed to make since you lost your spouse? How did you first manage this daunting task?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
When I was visiting my dad recently, we noticed that a storm was moving into the area as he and I returned from lunch . We tried to get him back to his condo before it hit. We felt a sense of snug happiness when we got him home before the first raindrops fell. I dropped him off, expecting him to get on the elevator to his floor, where he would walk down the exposed-to-the-elements hallway and enter his unit.
Well, the first part of that plan went just fine, but the second part, not so much. He got off of the elevator on the right floor and headed towards his doorway. Just as he opened the screen door, the wind whipped the door out of his hand, the door hit him in the shin, and this action left a 6 inch gaping hole in his leg as it knocked him to the ground. He laid there on the ground for 30 minutes in a now-torrential rainstorm, getting soaking wet and crying out for help.
I was on my way back to my condo and was completely obvious to the disaster that had befallen him. About 45 minutes after I dropped him off, he called and told me about his fall. A neighbor had finally heard and responded to his cries and had helped him into his unit. Once inside, Dad had changed his clothes. His leg was bleeding but at least he was safe.
I called my brother to meet me at Dad’s place; we both dropped everything and went to check on him. Long story short, we patched him up and took him to the doctor. Later that week, he developed an infection in the leg and is now on antibiotics.
Here’s the point of this story: elderly people need some type of emergency contact button to carry with them, and be careful when elderly people get a cut. Dad had a phone in his pocket but he couldn’t reach it because of the way that he landed. His leg appeared to have a minor wound but he wasn’t able to take proper care of it and it became infected in just a few days.
What ideas do you have to share on this topic?
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hi Everyone:
It is my understanding that folks in Florida have a new craze- painting rocks and leaving them for others to find.
While this might not sound very exciting, a dear friend of mine told me about a friend of hers who recently had to go to the hospital because an elderly relative’s life support was being turned off. She was feeling very blue when she suddenly spotted a small rock next to the sidewalk. It was painted with a cute little smiley face.
Something as seemingly-silly as a painted rock somehow lifted her spirits. The gal was able to carry on and say “goodbye” to her family member. Usually, it is the custom to re-plant the rock you find so that someone else can find it someplace else. This gal was so affected by the rock that she said she doesn’t plan on giving it away.
Because she will keep the rock, my friend decided to have a rock-painting craft day at her house, painting (and planting) more rocks for others to find. She and her mother and granddaughter spent an afternoon painting, hoping that their efforts will help brighten someone’s day.
What ideas do you have for encouraging others? Let’s start a movement of encouragement to total strangers, like some of the folks in Florida have done!
Best,
Dr. Sheri
Hello everyone:
I wanted to share a story I heard in church this past Sunday. It was told during a sermon on the love between David and Jonathan. I hope you will enjoy it.
Johnny and Arthur were brothers who were young men at the time of the Vietnam Conflict. They were in different branches of the service; Johnny was sent to Vietnam while Arthur was still in training. During the second World War, many families had lost numerous sons, so the United States government decided that, from that time on, two sons from the same family would not serve in a combat zone at the same time.
Johnny was in Vietnam, having almost completed his first tour of duty when he realized that Arthur was headed there as soon as he (Johnny) left the country. Well, Arthur was a very talented young man and Johnny hated the thought that his little brother would go through some of the terrible things that he had experienced while serving, so Johnny went to his commanding officer to request that he be allowed to serve a second tour, so that his kid brother would not have to go. Permission was granted.
The really good news of this story of brotherly love is that Johnny did make it home safely and Arthur was sent to Germany, where he served his country in a much safer place. Arthur later went on to great success in the world. You may have heard of him: Arthur Ashe. Because of his brother’s sacrifice, Arthur was not injured or killed in Vietnam, but went on to thrill the world of tennis with his great gifts.
What story of sacrificial love have you heard lately? I would love to hear from you!
Best,
Dr. Sheri