Outhouses Aren’t Pretty and Divorce Isn’t Either

Hello everyone:

Outhouses. They stink. They are, shall we say, less than hygienic. They are frequently right there, out in the open (think construction sites and roadway work here). But they are sometimes necessary.

Okay, so I will confess that the reason I don’t run marathons is because of the bathroom facilities. My idea of “roughing it” is the Hilton.

I was talking to a friend of mine this afternoon about divorces. They are frequently messy, hurtful experiences. They can pit two perfectly decent folks against one another.

What might be the most difficult season of this time of life is when you realize that your ex is moving on after one of you moved out. If you are still alone, that can be difficult, painful, and tear-provoking. We don’t usually deal with emotions herein but sometimes a little reflection can help you move on, so here we go.

How did you feel when you first heard the news that your ex had plans for a new Mrs. firmly in place? Please don’t succumb to the temptation to call her and tell her all the negative stuff you have on your ex. She won’t believe you and you will only appear to be the absolute nut job your ex already told her you are.

Warning her off simply will not work and you will appear to have a bad case of sour grapes.

So what should you do instead? As a Christian to whom this has happened twice, I turn to pray and thinking about the things of God. It helps that I have an amazing group of Christian friends that keep me on the right track.

Chats and texts are helpful, though the latter can be used against you in a court of law, so refrain from anything you don’t want to share with his attorney and the judge. Nothing more threatening than a coconut cream pie in his face, please. On second thought, that is one of my two favorite pies, the other being key lime. Send me the pie and use a different kind. [Please note that a frozen pie has the potential to do serious damage, so make sure it is thawed.]

Don’t start overeating. Food is not the comfort it might seem and you will only feel worse when you see the new poundage that has been added to wherever you wanted and needed it the least. Blessed be the tie that binds but not in this case.

Going out for a long walk can help. Please note that you may need to do this more than once a day. Walk as fast as you can for as long as you can, and then go home and do something productive. For example, I am already working on my Christmas 2020 gifts (I do counted cross stitch) and I have cleaned out a closet and am about two-thirds of the way through cleaning out some things I inherited from my great aunt…..ten years ago. It is only April, so I am on a roll here.

To close for now, when the post-divorce reality hits, resist the urge to pray for rain on his next wedding day. Don’t badmouth him to your children. Again, that won’t win friends, even if she looks like…..nope, I’m not going to say it. Wish him the best and move on.

You have to get rid of what you don’t want in your life to make room for what you do want, even if we are only talking about attitudes and feelings. It’s better to want something you don’t have than to have something you don’t want.

Best,

Dr. Sheri

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