If They Say “No tools necessary” Why Do the Directions inside Show the Dude Using a Sledgehammer?

Hello everyone:

The saga of new home ownership continues. Okay, so I bought two new metal bookcases, to put inside my office closet. They weren’t the plastic ones that used to be available at my new home-away-from-home, The Home Depot (now I understand why folks go there….it’s entertaining and fun! But perhaps I have become more easily amused these days….But I digress….).

Back to the story at hand. Okay, so these metal thingamabobs looked pretty easy to put together. I looked at the instructions for two days before attempting this feat of construction. (Have I mentioned that they aren’t the plastic snap-together ones I had before at the old house and really, really liked, but gave away when I moved?)

Three shelves couldn’t be that hard to figure out, right? Be still my soul. First, you screw the bottom metal rod into the top metal rod and repeat three more times for the other legs of the shelves. Easy peazy, Roger that. We are launched. Oops, I’m single now. I am launched.

Now you put the black plastic things around the rods, marking where you want the bottom shelf to be. (They neglected to include the fact that, if you put them too low on the rods, they pop back off and then you are on a fruitless search for the blasted popped off black thingy which, by the way, seems to be without a logical name. This must happen a lot because they included two extra black thingies in the package. Either that or my construction of these shelves is in serious trouble.)

Place the bottom shelf on the rods and …oh no! A sledgehammer is needed? Where did that come from? I don’t have a sledgehammer and the nearest Home Depot is 20 minutes away….And I might not be able to lift a sledgehammer anyway and….and… and. Perhaps brute force, albeit a feminine version of said brute force, will work. Okay, so that wasn’t ideal but I digress.

Repeat with the next shelf and the top shelf. Well, the shelving unit looks okay. I mean, it’s slightly askew but aren’t we all? Maybe if I jam it in the back of the closet and lean it against two walls…. There. I only planned on putting office supplies on it anyway. How much could pens and file folders and copy machine paper and stuff like that weigh, anyway?

Hurry up and put the second one together while I have this shelf construction memorized. The instructions can take a hike. The second one was much easier, now that I know how…wait a minute- what are these little black round things? Where are those blasted directions? Nope, they are nameless just like their predecessors and these treasures aren’t even pictured. Where in the world do they belong???? Oh, the trash, of course. Circular file…..

Oh, my. What was that noise? It seems to be coming from my closet. Nope false alarm. I shut the closet doors quickly and headed downstairs. Any reconstruction will simply have to wait for another day. Or never, which ever one comes first.

Best,

Dr. Sheri, Handywoman Extraordinaire

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2 comments

  1. We’re going through EXACTLY the same trials and tribulations as we move into OUR next home!….IT is a 2-story ROUND house!….actually 16-sided!…So there is not a NORMAL shaped room in the whole place! The bedrooms are the shape of Superman’s insignia! We are having conniptions trying to place rectangular furniture in every room. Also, the entire top floor has so many windows, it looks like an aquarium. Check out my Facebook page for pictures. And we’d really like to see pictures of your works in progress! Love, your favorite cousin, Debbie <3

    1. Oh, my goodness. Round walls would be very difficult, if not impossible, to hang pictures on. I seem to be having a lot of visions of sledgehammers. The Brand X mover I used when moving from my rental to my new house only brought a sledgehammer and a flat head screwdriver. When he headed back to my exercise room with that sledge hammer in hand, I followed him, realizing that he might not have the best interests of my treadmill in mind when attempting to get the machine out of the bedroom where it was located. I could have used that sledgehammer when constructing my new shelves!
      Thanks for commenting!

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