I recently got a new car. It’s under warranty from the auto maker, but I got a very panicked-sounding letter from the “Vehicle Services Division,” telling me that my warranty was in danger if I did not respond immediately, if not sooner.
It’s a crock of baloney. Let me tell you what they told me in their letter.
First, they told me twice, no less, that my “immediate response to this notice requested.” [Please note: They left out the verb “is”- perhaps they thought that would scare me more.]
Next, they accused me of not contacting their company to “have the vehicle service contract for your ___________ uploaded.” Sorry, folks, this is the first time I have ever heard of you. Why would I go looking for you, pray tell?
Then they told me that they had created my very own website. Why? I didn’t ask them to do that. I refer back to the thought that I have never heard of them, so why would I expect them to create my own personal website?
Additionally, they told me that “by neglecting to replace your coverage you will be at risk of being financially liable for any and all repairs after your factory warranty expires.” Yes, I assume that I would be, but my car has less than three thousand miles on it, so why would I sweat over this right now? [Note: They left off the commas with their parenthetic expression that begins “you will be at risk” and ends with “all repairs.”]
Then they told me that I have less than a month to sign up. They said “your file on this vehicle will be deleted [Oh, no, please do not delete me!] and you may not longer be eligible for this offer regarding service coverage after 3/13/2019.” [Good. The extremely fine print says you are not associated with my car manufacturer anyway.][The finer print says that all repairs would have to be pre-approved, even if I did get their coverage.]
I am reminded one final time that I must “call no later than 3/13/2019” or really bad things will happen. Their small print (that I had to put my glasses on to see) informed me that “This is an advertisement to obtain coverage.” This information is buried so completely in other legal gobbledygook I would have missed it, if my panic had set in to the degree that they had hoped. [I did not panic; I got ticked off. Poor punctuation and bad writing have a tendency to do that to me.]
Watch out folks! The bad guys are out to get you, but let me wave you off. Don’t panic when you get a piece of garbage like this. The only good thing about receiving this urgent offer was that I could share it with you. Please forward this blog posting to everyone you know, to warn them about these folks, as well. Thanks!