Today we have a guest blogger with us, Ms. Pearl Nsiah-Kumi. She was born in Ghana, West Africa and has been in Maryland for over 40 years. She is a divorcee who had three adult children and four grandchildren. She is the author of several books; this blog is an excerpt from her latest one, “Your Maker is Your Husband.”
SINGLE CHRISTIAN WOMEN
I am speaking to the issue of being a single Christian woman, because I’m in that place myself: God is my husband! I was married for almost forty years, and together with my husband, we raised three children, and now have four grandchildren. Yes, my husband protected us and was the lead in most decision making. He cut the grass, washed the car, filled the gas tank, and did most of the taxiing around town as needed.
So you can imagine that when I left home to be on my own, I assumed responsibilities that I didn’t have before. I was faced with yard work: both grass cutting in the summer and snow removal in the winter. These were chores I did not care for, but they came with the territory of being single. I found them difficult and challenging, but I resolved those issues by hiring help. Now my loving son-in-law cuts the grass for me, and I’m thankful.
You might be wondering why I left home after so many years of marriage. The truth is, the complications of mental illness created a very unsafe environment for me. I had hoped my move out would be temporary, causing the situation to change and allowing me to move back home again.
In fact, I did not unpack all my boxes when I arrived at my new address; I had hoped that missing me would make him seek help, so I could return home. However, days turned into weeks, weeks into months, and months to years and no help was sought.
So I went a step further and filed for divorce. As of this writing, nothing has changed. Where was God in all of this? After all, He instituted marriage and hates divorce. Still, He was with me and directed me through the counsel of some God-fearing individuals.
God confirmed the counsel I received by saying, “Without wise leadership, a nation falls; there is safety in having many advisers” (Proverbs 11:14 NLT), “Plans go wrong for lack of advice; many advisers bring success” (Proverbs 15:22 NLT), “Don’t go to war without wise guidance; victory depends on having many advisers” (Proverbs 24:6).
So I’m living a single’s life, and if that’s your life as well, regardless of the reason, then let me assure you that you’re not alone. Yes, scripture says God hates divorce (see Malachi 2:16), but as my counselor reminded me, God also hates murder. I didn’t have much of a choice. It was either stay married and get hurt or killed, or move out.
I chose to live, see God write the next chapter of my life, and have the opportunity to continue to pray for my children and grandchildren, which, by the way, is a wonderful privilege. If your husband is an unbeliever and leaves, the Bible says to let him go (see 1 Corinthians 7:15).
Your singleness might not have been the result of a divorce. Maybe you’ve just not found the right man, or maybe you had one, but he’s now deceased. It’s also possible that none of these apply to you. You could still be married, but things aren’t going well and you feel alone. That was me for a number of years before I finally left home. No matter how your singleness came about, our needs are similar and unique and I believe God has the answers we’re each looking for.
Thank you, Pearl. I hope everyone will pick up a copy of your latest book, “Your Maker is Your Husband.”